


Just Might Find 32

by helens78, Telesilla, valuna



Series: Just Might Find [33]
Category: Equilibrium (2002) RPF, Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M, The Establishment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-08
Updated: 2006-05-08
Packaged: 2017-10-05 18:33:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helens78/pseuds/helens78, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telesilla/pseuds/Telesilla, https://archiveofourown.org/users/valuna/pseuds/valuna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having lunch with one of Sean's exes is just a little awkward for both Bill and Sean. And for Harry, for that matter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Might Find 32

To say Sean's nervous would be putting it mildly. It's been well over six months since he's talked to Harry, even longer since they've seen each other, and while none of it's been sudden to Sean, he has to figure it'll be startling for Harry seeing him collared -- happily so -- with his new Master at his side.

"Do you need anything, Master?" he asks Bill. Not that the waiters aren't taking care of everything, but fussing a little helps with the nervousness.

"I'm good," Bill replies, reaching out and putting a hand on the back of Sean's neck, his fingers stroking both the collar and Sean's skin. "If you need to safeword out of the conversation, you can. You know that, right?"

Sean sighs a little, relaxing into Bill's touch. "I'm not going to safeword out of lunch," he says, feeling a little bad that he's tempted anyway. _If this were David or Viggo I'd be a great deal more tempted. What does that say?_

Harry's sure he shouldn't stand at the doorway any longer. He's starting to look like he's waiting to pick up the first guy who offers. He's sighted Sean and Bill across the way and is taking one deep breath after another to get himself psyched to make the short walk across the restaurant. It's not that he doesn't want the meeting. He does. He wants to see Sean -- and meet Bill -- and he really shouldn't be more nervous than he was in meeting his _other_ ex and the ex's new lover. Shouldn't be. One last breath in and he moves, making the walk quickly, hands out of the pockets of his khakis, crisp dark blue shirt ironed and tucked in.

"Hope you haven't been waiting long," he says, stopping short of their table.

"Not long at all," Sean says softly. His heart rate's picking up; he reaches under the table and squeezes Bill's knee hard. "Have a seat?"

"Thanks. Was worried I'd get tied up at the studio," Harry says, voice remarkably casual for his shortness of breath. He takes the open seat, noting with a smile it's across the table from his companions. "Good to see you. Both."

Bill nods with a friendly enough smile as he slides his hand over Sean's and returns the grip. This is Sean's deal and he's just here because he'd like to meet Harry and to give Sean some support through what could potentially be a difficult conversation. _Or maybe there's no could about it._

"Yeah," Sean says, letting out a slow breath. "More than a little strange. How are you?"

"Good, but a bit lonely. Boy's off in Shanghai." There's no reason not to be honest, Harry decides. "Busy getting the house ready. You?"

"Work and more work," Sean says. "But at least I'm done moving for a while." He frowns a little. "Getting the house ready for what?" _And why is he lonely?_

Harry nods. "I understand work. Not sure I'd ever commit to another series." Harry's smile is weak, best reaction to Sean's frown. He takes a sip of the water in the glass sitting at his place. "Uh, we're moving, four of us, in together, big house up in the hills," he gets out in one breath, quickly sucking in a new one, fingers still wrapped around the glass.

"Oh." Sean's grip on Bill's knee tightens. "Oh, well... congratulations?" he asks, even more confused now. _You're moving in with them but you're lonely?_

"Congratulations," Bill echoes. "Moves can be a real pain in the ass." That Sean is surprised and disconcerted makes sense, and without thinking about it too much, Bill reaches out and rests his hand on the back of Sean's neck, stroking the collar through Sean's shirt.

The move settles Sean down a good deal; he relaxes his grip on Bill's knee, at least. "I haven't been in touch with anyone from Los Angeles in a while," he admits. "It's good that you're all doing well."

Harry picks up easily on the subtle, unspoken communication between Bill and Sean. He's used the same motion with his boy, a hand placed in just the right spot, soothing. "We're fine." _Still wish you hadn't left._ "It's as much logistics as anything," he says. "Instead of running between houses, we'll just have different wings of the same place."

"It makes sense." Sean's not sure what else to say to that. Every time he's talked to Harry, or David, or seen anything on the journals from anyone in Los Angeles, it's made it that much more clear that he was right to leave. _I was only getting in the way._

"Well, you're in the right part of the world for it," Bill says. "LA's got plenty of places big enough for that kind of arrangement." He can't help wondering how long the arrangement will last. _I haven't known too many quads that work out long term._

"So, tell me about how you're doing?" Changing the subject's always a good option, Harry thinks, and it takes the pressure off LA discussion. "You two seem to mesh well. Surface look at least."

"It's working very well," Sean says, trying to force down the defensiveness. _He's being nice, for Christ's sake. You knew he was going to be surprised by this._

Harry's not as surprised as Sean might think. He's always seen the submissive streak in Sean's spirit, catered to it at times. "Contract's for two years. That right?" He takes another quick sip of water. "Sounds reasonable, long enough to test the waters."

"It's my standard," Bill says with a smile. "Sean got three months to test the waters."

"Standard," Harry echoes. "You're an old hand at this. Even better." _Doesn't matter what you think, Harry. Why do you think it does?_

Biting back a remark about how good it is that Harry approves, Bill glances at Sean. It is important to Sean that Harry approve -- or so Bill imagines -- and so he thinks it's better if he keeps his mouth shut. _Let's not turn this into a pissing contest, Fichtner._

"Right," Sean says, clearing his throat. _This could be going better._ "Well. Maybe we should get some food?" He glances around for a waiter. _When all else fails, get everyone eating. Mum would be proud._ For his part, it's just difficult having Bill sized up and evaluated by someone who lost any right to do that months ago, if he ever had it. It leaves him feeling uncomfortable, wondering just what Harry thinks his place in Sean's life is these days, what it should be. _Maybe I should've left well enough alone._

"Food's good." _It'll make you shut your mouth, Harry. You're obviously not making things any better._ He's not sure what he expects to happen, if anything. He just wants to see Sean, be able to talk, sit in the same room without arguing, which is how they left things the last time. He knows he doesn't have any right to want that, to even be a fringe part of Sean's life. He's genuinely happy for Sean, but he's damned sure he's not conveying that very well. "The new film," he says, waiting on the waiter to show up. "You have to do promotion tour?"

Feeling a little like someone at a tennis match, Bill heaves a mental sigh of relief as the waiter comes and takes their orders. He can't help wondering why either Harry or Sean wanted to get together, but then Bill can't pretend to understand people. _Which is why Karen is the family shrink and I'm not._

"Promotion tour -- no, not much of one," Sean says. "Just this and then I'm home again, but not for long -- we're going to India for _Sharpe_. That I'm excited about." He grins over at Bill. "First time one of my lovers has ever come on location with me. I can't wait."

"They're making a new _Sharpe_. That's wonderful." Harry's really smiling now, although he can't believe no one's ever gone with Sean on location. Although, if Harry thinks a second longer, he can't honestly name all of Sean's lovers to know who would and wouldn't've been in that list. "And that Bill can go with you, even moreso. It's a bitch being separated by work, and if you don't have to, oh, yeah, take advantage of it."

"I'm really looking forward to it," Bill says. "I love to travel and I've never been to India." He grins a little. "Hopefully, I'll be just another foreigner and not labeled as Sean's boyfriend. I don't think Sean needs any of that bullshit."

Harry nods. "You should be fine. India's not a hotbed of paparazzi, and I imagine the set's more remote than downtown Delhi. I love traveling, too, but for pleasure, not work. Got to Russia, but never down that way. How long's the shoot?"

"Not too long. They really want us to be finished for the holidays, which is fine by me. It's been a while since I could see my girls on Christmas."

"Sounds like you'll barely get to India before you're coming home." Harry chuckles, the nervousness of a few minutes ago having eased a bit. "But being there for the holidays and the girls will be great. If you get snow, you have to ship us some."

"You'd want the stuff? That was the best part of being in Los Angeles; snow gets old very fast if you're in a place that actually gets some." Sean glances at Bill, wondering how he feels about snow apart from liking to ski.

"Snow belongs on top of a mountain," Bill says. "Preferably one with a ski lodge at the bottom of it. I can live with it, but you won't ever see me setting up a winter place in Maine."

"Yeah, I'd want it. Think I miss most about Zid is real seasons, not this constant summer," Harry says. "Even with the plus of being able to traipse 'round naked all the time."

That makes Sean laugh. "Never did take advantage of that," he says, smirking. "And I'm almost sorry to miss it if you're traipsing nowadays."

The laugh's wonderful, best thing so far. "I traipse once a day, bedroom to kitchen," Harry says, returning the smirk. "Just to start the coffee, of course."

"Mmmm. Whereas I'm on coffee duty at home," Sean says. "Perk of having a slave who's also a morning person, that." The grin's for Bill now, and Sean squeezes his knee again. This time it's easy, though, and not because he's nervous.

"Definite perk." The smiles _are_ getting easier, even when Harry's brain hitches at hearing Sean call himself a slave. It's a quick hitch, and life goes on. _He's happy. It fits. They look damned good together._ "When my boy's home, he's up before me and takes care of it. I'm not the morning person."

"Nether am I," Bill says, shaking his head. "I'm not really human until I've had my blowjob and my coffee. One more reason to have a boy, as far as I'm concerned."

"You're not going to get any argument from me, Master," Sean says. He grins at Bill. "Why is it that being owned makes cock taste so much better? I wonder if it's just me."

Harry's _really_ glad he doesn't blush, but the heat on his face is enough to have him grabbing his water, finishing it off. "I doubt it's just you. Imagine mine thinks the same thing," he mumbles over the glass rim. He slowly sets the glass down, keeps his fingers on it, rubbing at the condensation. "Never realized it was so important to you." He looks up at Sean. "Didn't realize a lot of things. Made mistakes about a lot more."

"It doesn't matter now," Sean says, and he means it. Anything that's gone before is in the past; if he hasn't set everything behind him, he's closer to it than he's been since he left Los Angeles. "I was never steady in Los Angeles. I needed to anchor myself before I could let someone else anchor me. I needed to know what I was looking for before I'd know whether I'd found it."

That comes as a bit of a surprise to Bill and he files the information away for future thought. Sean has struck him as being very steady and he can't help feeling a little smug at the thought that he -- or someone like him -- was what Sean was looking for.

It does matter to Harry, in a way he can't really explain to anyone else, in a way he knows Sean will never understand. "I'm glad you're finding your way, Sean," he says, glancing at Bill and then back at Sean, "and someone to help you." He pauses, the almost forgotten meals arriving at the table. "Should we eat? We can change the conversation to football."

"Yeah," Sean says, relaxing somewhat. "I think we have better prospects for promotion this year than last. And Master's finally convinced me to follow a baseball team, which is... different..."

"No one's tried to convert me to baseball yet. Not my boy's thing. Although he did try to explain college basketball to me. I'm supposed to pay attention to his university." Harry forks his food, swirling the pasta. "What team you following?"

"The Mets," Bill says, grinning at Sean. "I think Sean decided they were worth following when I explained that following the Mets is a little like following the Blades. You know you're a real fan because you came back year after year even though they never do all that well. I think it's the only bit of masochism in me."

Harry laughs. "Well, everyone's got to have a touch of it, one way or the other."

"Some of us more than others," Sean says. "And yes, I've heard from friends that they knew I was a masochist before I did; I follow the Blades."

Lunch continues amicably, without incident or even much awkwardness, and Harry finds himself actually relaxed by the time it's winding down. The conversation's general, passing from sports back to film with a detour into fiction, the store-bought kind and not the stories they might make up themselves. It's casual enough for the random onlooker to think they're three old friends just having lunch.

"How long are you here for?" Harry stuffs a final swirling forkful of pasta into his mouth.

"We're leaving tonight," Sean says. "It was just the premiere and seeing you, really..."

"And the inevitable annual visit with my agent, who really wishes I weren't so lazy," Bill says with a chuckle. He feels better about this meeting now, and he can tell that Sean does as well. The lessening of tension hasn't kept him from returning his hand to the back of Sean's neck on a fairly regular basis, however. _I don't really need an excuse,_ he thinks, _ and to be honest, if I feel like being possessive, then I'll be possessive._

The possessiveness feels good, for its own sake and not as a way to show off. It's just another way Bill fits for Sean; he needs that sort of possessiveness sometimes. Much as Sean might wish things hadn't ended so badly in Los Angeles, it's hard to resent the way things turned out. _I wonder if I could ever have been as happy here as I am with Bill. Probably best not to think too hard about it; enjoy what you have, Bean._

 

~*~*~

journal entry: Sean, 10/12, after lunch with Harry

Seeing Harry was harder than I thought it would be. It isn't that I've changed so radically since I knew him, but I wonder if he realizes -- if anyone out there realizes -- that I never really got myself back to a good place after Viggo. Not until I was back in London. I never felt as if I fit there, never felt as if I belonged, and it was so easy talking myself into thinking no one needed me. And now look at them. Four of them moving in together -- if I'd left town right after things went south with Viggo they could have done that so much sooner. And me -- I don't know what I would have done, looked for more contracts, gone from master to master for a while. Spared myself the second divorce in two years. That would have been nice.

Having Harry make judgments on Bill bothered me. Even if they were good. Having him say it seemed as if Bill was good for me bothered me. How the fuck would he know what's good for me? When did he start to give a damn? What the group in LA wanted from me was for me to fit in -- fit in with their image of me, fit in with the rest of them, want what everyone else wanted, be happy with what everyone else felt like giving. I wanted a lover who was willing to commit to me and not have passionate bloody love affairs with men half my age. I wanted someone I could feel safe with instead of feeling like one of a half-dozen men, all of whom were of equal importance -- none whatever unless he was with us at that particular moment. And damn, but I wanted someone I could sub to more often than the spur of the moment. And Harry might be _a_ master but I could never have imagined him as _my_ master. Harry has his aggressive, confident moments, but they're moments. Overall he needs more give-and-take.

Realistically, though, what I wanted was someone I could have on a bit of a pedestal. *cringe* Carrie-Anne's going to kill me when I get around to telling her I've figured that part out. At least it's a bloody short one this time. But there's a difference between men you feel friendly towards, who you go down for out of mild interest and the sense that it'd be a fun way to spend an afternoon, and men you look at and want to be on your knees for _immediately_. And I don't think pedestals are bad as long as you're able to look at them realistically, too, when you're out of role.

Out of role, Bill's bossy and he's smug as all hell and -- left to his own devices -- I think he'll take things for granted. But he's a damn good friend, he doesn't need to understand everything about what's going on in my head before he can sympathize, he'll shut up and listen if I just need to talk, he distracts me when talking isn't helping my thoughts any. I can handle the bossiness, even if it means I need to be careful to be aware of what I want, of when my needs are and aren't being met and what I can do to see that I get what I need. I can sure as fuck handle the smugness -- might make me roll my eyes sometimes, but it's fucking flattering knowing that having _me_ makes someone feel smug. That having me on my knees makes him feel smug. It puts a hell of a value on me, if you think about it that way (and why the hell shouldn't I). And while I think he might start taking things for granted if he let himself, he's been careful not to do that so far. I don't need big shining declarations of -- whatever -- love, affection, respect, I don't need gifts and cards and speeches and poetry and shite to know he appreciates me. Wants me. I get it every day.

He's so fucking gorgeous when he's laughing and I don't want to waste any time with him fooling myself about what we are and what we're doing together. I _am_ falling for him -- I might be there already, I don't know -- but it's as if that's secondary to everything else. He's a good friend, a brilliant master, a great lover. Even Fidget likes him. Only thing more I could ask for is just a little bit more enthusiasm for the Blades, but you can't have everything. Well. Not right away.

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to [](http://lunasv.livejournal.com/profile)[**lunasv**](http://lunasv.livejournal.com/) for her fascinating Harry Sinclair. There's a journal entry here and if it seems confusing, remember that this did start out as an RPG partly played out in journals. It's just one more that indicates that this is very much not about the real Sean Bean who has admitted that he barely knows his way around a computer.


End file.
